I just lost one of my angels today....again

Have you ever blamed yourself for your pet's suffering? Well, that's what I'm feeling right now. I know it is not really me who caused their illnesses but I felt like I should have done something so that they don't suffer. If you have been following me on Facebook, I have posted that I am really down right now because another dog of mine died. 

90% of my dogs reaches their prime ages before dying...usually between age 8-13 years old and always due to illnesses. That means I was able to grew up with a lot of them and I have been taking care of them since I was a teenager. Except for our German Shepherd, Brando, who died at age 4 many years ago because he ate something and got poisoned when he accidentally got out of his cage and run wandered around our garage, majority of them reached their senior citizen year. 

One of my oldest, Onyok (he's an Aspin), who died early last year got diabetes due to old age (he was 14 years old) and when he got a wound on his front leg, it can't be healed anymore and he died of infection after some time. Until now, I still miss him...how he guards me when I go biking around the neighborhood and how he welcomes me home after school.

Another dog of mine who was a gift to me by mom when I was in elementary got a cancer on her left eye 2 years ago but she died just early last year (she was 13 years old when she passed away). Her name is Petite and she's a Shih Tzu. I loved her so much because she always have that smiling face and she is willing to be carried around and hugged.

Late last year, two of my old dogs also passed away due to old age..They are Mik-Mik (8 y/o) and Dumbo (6y/o). They are both Aspin and have a great immune system. Dumbo is actually Mik-Mik's first puppy and they are only 2 years apart in age. Both are very energetic and very sweet so I was actually sad that they went back to heaven with only a couple of months in between. I'm not sure if it's because Dumbo got sad that her mom died, but she lost appetite all of a sudden.

And today, I lost another one of my fur-babies. Her name is Glimpse and she's a black Labrador Retriever. She is 8 years old and she was diagnosed with a malignant breast cancer. I brought her to UP Veterinary Hospital and they told me that she has a very bad prognosis and even if we removed the tumor, there's no guarantee that she will recover.

I actually got 3 opinions from different veterinarians and I talked with my parents too. We have decided to put her down instead of making her undergo a risky operation. We actually planned to have it done last Saturday but when the veterinarian arrived at our place , I chickened out and cried. I begged my dad if we could at least try the surgery and see if she could still live a good life even if it's just for another year...But sadly my parents are adamant to just put her to sleep. They can't take seeing her in pain because one of her breast tumor already got ulcerated and also the price of the surgery is quite high and we can't really afford it at the moment. So I spent the whole day yesterday crying and rationalizing and what not.

The deciding factor is from my trusted veterinarian who is also a friend. I know he will tell me his opinion based on facts and won't be motivated with money or take my feeling into consideration. He explained that the breast cancer my dog had is really a bad one and it has a very very bad prognosis. And since it is malignant and ulcerated, it means there is a very high chance that the cancer had already spread to other organs so if we will have it removed surgically, the cancer is still there and Glimpse won't actually last even a year. Also, since she's already old, the surgery itself is risky and she can die on the operating table.

And I don't want her to suffer anymore. I don't want her to feel any more pain. So I decided to just toughen up because it is the best option for her...to just sleep and go back to our maker in heaven where there is no more pain and illnesses. 

We had the procedure done today and she looked so peaceful during the whole ordeal. I stayed beside her the whole time so I can take care of her body and hug her one last time. I have buried her at our backyard already but I am still crying until now. I can't seem to stop because I already miss her. 

 

I just wanted to post this up in memory of all my dogs that I love who are already back in heaven. I don't care what breed they are...I love them equally. I know that not a lot of people feels the same as me when it comes to their pets and won't understand what I feel but I don't care. I have loved them with all my heart and I will never forget them. I really hope that when it is my time to go to our maker in heaven, I would be able to be with them again. 

I will try to get back into posting regularly...It's just actually hard for me right now to think clearly. This is the first time I needed to decide for something that involves a life. I hope you guys understand.

Thank you and till next time.